O-fucking-ASIS is back in October with another album and their new single has a badass video (Oasisinet.com) but this one is my favorite video of all time.  I wanted to save it for a special occasion but, like morning wood with a female roomate, I'm just going to let it fly with no regard for human life.  Actually I figured if anyone is reading the site now the probably won't be by the next entry so I might as well get my favorite video out of the way since I posted my favorite song last time.  Enough about how cool I am...what am I saying?  Here are some other things that are cool about me:

1.  I own a shirt that says "I'd rather be at a Sterophonics concert!"
2.  I have a friend who ran over a homeless guy.
3.  I headbutted my worst enemy into a brick wall.
4.  I've never worn Crocs.
5.  I own a sword.

...back to the video, this is The Masterplan by OASIS.  If you pay attention to the lyrics of one song in your life, do so for this song...




"All we know is that we don't know how it's gonna be, please brother let it be, life on the other hand won't make you understand, that we're all part of a Masterplan"

-Brent

        

Happy Football Day!!!!!!!!!  Yesterday kicked off the games and tomorrow is the first big Saturday so technically me writing this on Friday is perplexing at first glance.  Then you take into account that there is no way I'll be writing on days that I'm drunken with football rage and you understand why.  Nevertheless I've instructed all of my non-football watching friends (see: women and gays) the following:

Hey Friends,

I regret to inform you that I do not regret informing you that I, Brent J. Dumbasabutt will no longer be in need of your services for the next 5 1/2 months.  As football season is now upon us, your contributions to my happiness is no longer applicable and therefore I request that you limit your phone calls or face-to-face interaction with me to a minimum.  Alas, if you are having relationship problems, mental breakdowns and/or money problems please feel free to contact someone other than myself.  If it is an urgent issue involving me, please leave your name, number and message on my answering machine so that I can determine if it is an issue important enough for me to peel myself off the couch, pause the TiVo and get involved (PS: This is HIGHLY unlikely). By now you may be saying to yourself " But Brent, football is only on Saturdays and Sundays and sometimes Thursdays, what will you do the rest of the week?", to which I reply "NCAA Football 09 on Xbox 360, DVR and internet porn (not football related)".  I'd like to apologize if this has hurt your feelings in any way, only because I should have never befriended you in the first place, find the nearest cliff to jump from. 

Best Wishes,

Brent J. Dumbasabutt

PS.  I retain the rights to change the preceding paragraph if The University of Minnesota goes 1-11 again or Adrian Peterson gets hurt for the Vikings

-Brent

        

No kids, that's not Brent's lifeless little corpse you see. That's what is being called the Montauk Monster. This little critter washed up on the shore in Montauk, New York in late July. This may be old news, but somehow it is still all over the place. Some people think it's a raccoon while others think its a total hoax from a possible upcoming movie. Others think it's an experiment from Plum Island gone wrong. Plum Island, is a real place that does certain unspeakable things to animals. Look it up, because even I am not even that morbid.

My theory on this one is that it's a pre-apocalyptic warning. We've all heard the stories about how Revelations is going to start happening in real-time and monsters are going to be an every day occurrence, so I mean, what the hell? It's totally possible that at this ridiculous day and age that the next step up from oil-war has to be apocalypse. Am i right?

Yes, I am.

When your neighbors start disappearing and you're still around, you'll see exactly how right I truly am. Of course, by being right about this one thing, I am also admitting that I was wrong for the majority of my free-thinking years in that there is actually a god and he's coming back for vengeance after all this time. Oh, well. It will all be totally worth it to see a demon scoop down and rip George W. Bush apart limb by limb.

        

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In what is becoming the most popular segment on Dumbasabutt.com (actually there's no truth to that, I have no idea if anyone is reading this blog...) I present you with this week's My Ipod is Better Than Yours.  This week's selection brings my favorite song ever that has been written by anyone ever involving anything musical EVER.  So if you want to take a look into the distorted and warped mind that is the grey mass in my head...well here you are, Be Quiet and Drive (far away) by the Deftones.



" Now drive me far - away, away, away
FAR away
I dont care where just FAR - away [x3]
And I dont care"

-Brent

        

Pre-Season Football > Olympics


The Dark Knight < Sin City


Porn=The Reason the Internet was created


Watching the Special Olmpics > Watching My Boys on TBS





Having a Zombie Outbreak in your City > Listening to Dave Matthews



Stealing < Commandeering


Retiring > Being traded to the Jets

        

Remember when Jessica used to post?  Me neither.  Anyway, quickly becoming my favorite blog "segment" is the My Ipod is better than Yours.  And one of my favorite canadian bands is Our Lady Peace.  This video is from an incredibly creative CD, "Spiritual Machines" which is OLP's least popular commercial CD (see: creative).  Alas, this video for "In Repair" is pretty trippy with odd artwork and visuals, if you don't enjoy...you probably like Raisan Bran, die.



" I'm in repair
The life that we share
I know that I'll be lost in
But we're always in repair"

-Brent

        

OK, this has been bothering me for quite some time.  Every time a "Sunny side of Truth" anti-smoking commercial comes on I feel like I just got molested.  It's a weird feeling, the commercials are so simultaneously sarcastic, odd and stupid using a mixture of the Vlasic stork, Puff the magic dragon, woodland critters and One Tree Hill rejects I feel like the people at Aqua Teen Hunger Force made the commercial.  It's obvious they are targeting kids to not smoke but what's with the song and dance routine?  I've never seen High School Musical, is this how it is, with college hipster actors running around singing nonsensical songs with imaginary talking animals?  If it is, maybe I'm totally wrong because that High School Musical shit is all over the place.  Anyway, I just don't see how anyone takes it seriously, I mean first they spout out facts about why big tobacco sucks, then they sing a song about how the tobacco companies aren't so bad (with overly-blatant sarcasm), then they splice in a shot of some on-looker with the WTF face and each commercial ends with the hipsters saying something like "what, that doesn't make sense" , talking about their own sarcastic song.  I can see how it grabs an audiences attention, in the same way Arod banging Madonna grabs attention...it's just absurd and leaves an old tuna fish kind of aftertaste in your mouth.  I don't know how to describe it all, it just weirds me the fuck out, judge for yourself:



PS- If this is a real street performance and they get real audience reaction, who voices the cartoons on the street, doesn't that ruin the whole effect if the real kids just dance around with lyrics missing that the cartoon would sing in the commercial.  Maybe the audience reaction WTF face isn't about the facts these douches are singing but how stupid they look doing it to song and dance with missing lyrics and bad choreography.

PSS-Honestly I couldn't tell bad choreography from good...


-Brent

        

"Pink Bullets" by The Shins is the latest reason my Ipod is better than yours.  If my Ipod was a baseball player it would be Joe Mauer, if it was a potato chip it would be salt and vinegar, if it was an ass it would be Vida Guerra's and if it was a movie it would be Braveheart.  Forgive yourself for being worse at everything than me and enjoy this video.




"Since then it's been a book you read in reverse So you understand less as the pages turn"


-Brent

        

While gas prices are on a steady rise, it's becoming more and more evident that people should really stop complaining about how broke they are and start being grateful for the prominent silver lining that is so obviously present. Yes, everyone has a little less money in their pockets these days but think of all the good things that brings to the table.

For one, those idiots who eat McDonald's seven or more times a week are suddenly only going 4 or 5 because it's just too expensive to keep taking the wood-paneled mini van out that much. So, because these people are eating out less, they are saving themselves approximately 5000 calories a day and therefore slimming down and looking less disgusting.

Another reason to be grateful for the gas prices, is that they encourage more people to get off their asses and ride a bike. This can in no way be considered a bad thing. Living in Memphis, you see a lot of fat, lazy bastards and it makes me excited to think about all the fat that will be shed riding bikes in the blazing southern Sun. Hopefully, aforementioned bastards buy some deodorant first. Because the only thing worse that being fat and lazy is to be fat and stinky.

The third on my never-ending list of reasons to be happy about gas prices applies mostly to people in the service industry. Summer is typically the slow season for us waiters, but this year is especially slow for obvious reasons. The good thing about that is that the "mondays" or "canadians" as we call them, can't afford good meals anymore so they stay at home and keep their 5 dollar tips to themselves. Meanwhile, the rich-bitches are all about coming out and sharing their wealth. ...In a perfect world, at least.

Thinking about the health benefits of the rising fuel costs makes me wonder if perhaps this is some sort of ploy of the government's to help us look more like the normal sized people of other nations. That is very possible. Except of course, our government is too stupid to come up with such an ingenious plot.

-Jessica

        

What are the Odds?

Two college students just walked past talking about how "hilari-uh-hu-uh-ous" Dr. Cox is on Scrubs: 26%
Dave Matthews Band is playing nearby: 34%
This tree is getting urinated on by two 6 year olds crossing fire: 55%
A band of hippies has created a drum circle in the woods:12%
The tree next to this one has a bigger trunk and all the flora and fauna are attracted to it: 49%
This tree knows somewhere Paul Walker is auditioning for another movie: 85%
Brett Favre won't retire: 95%


-Brent

        

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