Happy Football Day!!!!!!!!!  Yesterday kicked off the games and tomorrow is the first big Saturday so technically me writing this on Friday is perplexing at first glance.  Then you take into account that there is no way I'll be writing on days that I'm drunken with football rage and you understand why.  Nevertheless I've instructed all of my non-football watching friends (see: women and gays) the following:

Hey Friends,

I regret to inform you that I do not regret informing you that I, Brent J. Dumbasabutt will no longer be in need of your services for the next 5 1/2 months.  As football season is now upon us, your contributions to my happiness is no longer applicable and therefore I request that you limit your phone calls or face-to-face interaction with me to a minimum.  Alas, if you are having relationship problems, mental breakdowns and/or money problems please feel free to contact someone other than myself.  If it is an urgent issue involving me, please leave your name, number and message on my answering machine so that I can determine if it is an issue important enough for me to peel myself off the couch, pause the TiVo and get involved (PS: This is HIGHLY unlikely). By now you may be saying to yourself " But Brent, football is only on Saturdays and Sundays and sometimes Thursdays, what will you do the rest of the week?", to which I reply "NCAA Football 09 on Xbox 360, DVR and internet porn (not football related)".  I'd like to apologize if this has hurt your feelings in any way, only because I should have never befriended you in the first place, find the nearest cliff to jump from. 

Best Wishes,

Brent J. Dumbasabutt

PS.  I retain the rights to change the preceding paragraph if The University of Minnesota goes 1-11 again or Adrian Peterson gets hurt for the Vikings

-Brent